Tycho Brahe
Tycho Brahe is a part of the Penny Arcade duo alongside Johnathan Gabriel. He is the comic alter-ego of Jerry Holkins. He is married to Brenna (who is based on Brenna Holkins) with whom he has a son and daughter, he also has an eleven year old niece named Annarchy with whom he shares many interests. Appearance Tycho is a caucasian man of average height with brown and black hair. He is most often seen in the strip sporting a blue sweater with two light blue stripes on it, the highest stripe being larger than the bottom one. He always wears beige-colored pants with black and white sneakers. He has a favorite watch known as the Enthusiast’s Timepiece which he and Gabe often kill each other over brutally; it is a digital gold watch that has an image of Pac-Man eating a dot. When going out during a hot day, he usually wears a black motorcycle helmet with flame designs and black gloves as he fears the light and the burning essence of the sun, and he believes this gear gives him a 100+ defense against UV rays. Personality and Exploits Tycho is a man who is fond of long words and creating his very own. He is usually unhappy or displeased with Jonathan Gabriel's ideas and lack of intelligence, and longs to find someone who matches him in debating and reading. Tycho tends to think plans through and always has an explanation for even the most irrational plans. According to Tycho, he used to be whipped by his mother with an extension cord. Not only that, but his mother fed him lies about puberty and that the changes caused due to the idea that God had abandoned him. She said Satan was responsible, and that he was a toxic vessel. Tycho's mother said that his father left as he was going through the changes; because his body was swollen with evil; she said all this for the sake of pinning the blame of his father's leaving entirely on him rather than herself. She also tended to lock her son for hours on end in the basement with no light while telling him it was a game. This shocked Gabe to an unbelievable level; it is likely that this abuse (coupled with numerous other disturbing and destructive events such as the fact that he has a tainted demonic soul and is going to rot in Hell for being a major douchebag) is responsible for Brahe's current dislike of religion despite that he truly has no one to blame but himself and his dysfunctional family, however this has not affected his faith in the supernatural and the occult (classifying himself as a pagan), nor his desire to become ruler of Hell to his death; he is also not responsible for the religious jokes in the series and claims that they are in fact Gabe's doing much to his confusion and anger since they make him look like an even bigger jerk than he already is, but despite having even seen gods in person, he continues to plan the world's end via hellish means whenever he can and hopes to one day sing the demonic song that shall end the Earth. However truth be told, Tycho more often than not just tends to wallow in his own misery with his evil facade usually fading into one of a depressed and surly drunk, making one wonder if he'll ever accomplish his lifelong dark goal. Prior to his parents divorce, they would take young Tycho on many terrible road trips across the country, seeing the worst it had to offer, such as a spaghetti hair restaurant (made from real hair), dirty mud pits and Idaho's Biggest Shitfarm. This gave Tycho a bad trauma and caused him to view road trips as something evil. However his views were changed when Gabe showed him a best friends road trip and upon meeting Leonard, America's oldest cat, Tycho found true happiness in road trips for the first time... until they discovered the Museum of Sodomy. Tycho also has an older sibling who goes simply by the name of Mr. Forthwith, with whom Tycho shares a very hostile and antagonistic relationship with, and unlike his parents, he genuinely detests his older brother to the point of being overwhelmed by murderous rage as his brother, unlike him, is highly successful and has an even greater intellect and vocabulary than Tycho. Also of note is that Mr. Forthwith left the family during Tycho's childhood, forcing young Tycho to endure all the horrors of his drunkard parents alone. Despite this, Tycho is deeply fond of his brother's daughter, his niece Annarchy whom he treats as though she were his own child and is very protective of, which is a rare trait for the bitter Tycho, who often casually exposes his own children to "peepees" and violence, but always tries to protect Ann from horny deviants and questionable situations. The Everyday Life of Tycho Brahe He is an extreme Harry Potter fan, and often fantasizes what life would be like if he was friends with Harry and Ron and the magical adventures they would share. His fascination with Harry Potter usually tends to get the better of him and it makes him act like a complete idiot, even Gabe pities him when he acts this way. During his Potter moments he will pretend to cast spells as though they were real and he truly believes that the magical spells of the world of Harry Potter are true and will often cast them on Gabe with no effect. On one occasion, Gabe recorded Tycho during one of these moments while he was playing Harry Potter on the Wii and posted the footage on Youtube, the video then became the most popular video in Youtube history and garnered more views than there are intelligent lifeforms on the planet, this ensured Tycho an immortal place in history as the world's biggest "Wiitard". Despite his love of Harry Potter, Tycho detests the Dementors as he went to high school with one who was also responsible for stealing his soul and making him a vacant vessel for pure demonic evil. He owns his very own corn mask to hide within the race of diabolical Corn Men. This was discovered when Gabe spotted the corn on his face and solved the entire mystery. He has a very fragile mind. He believes that either witches or dogs are after him and want to order him to kill people, to protect himself he has constructed a remote device with a witch and dog setting to send them away. However, if both a witch and a dog attack him at the same time, he is fucked. He is considered an expert in supernatural creatures and hauntings and is often called by Gabriel when in need of knowing whether a house is haunted or not, and even on one occasion the President of the USA called upon him during a Manticore epidemic. He also believes in closet werewolves, fearing that if one does not check their closet there may be a chance of a werewolf being there and refers to such a happening as "Schrodinger's Werewolf", because of this odd phobia he is not allowed to babysit Gabriel Gabriel. He also has a fond weakness for werewolves in fancy clothing and he also bought the entire Anita Blake series after finding out it contains plenty of werewolf sex. He is an alcoholic; evidently, he cultivated this addiction as a form of slow suicide, hoping that his loved ones would talk him out of it. As of yet, no one cares and is continuing to drink himself into a "coward's grave". As revealed in Poker Night at the Inventory, Tycho never went to college, instead he claims he went to "Gygax Polyhedral" aka spent his years educating himself in playing Dungeons & Dragons to absolute perfection, despite this he appears to have educated himself very well in writing, linguistics, grammar (his three fortés), literature, business, gaming, overall computer geeking and excruciating details about the animal kingdom which aids in his sexual arousal of long-necked creatures and hedgehogs (read below). Tycho owns his very own Dungeons and Dragons-styled cookbook to help him make the greatest sandwiches known. He rolls in the twenties and can successfully make the sexiest sandwich in the history of the universe. He has an extreme dislike for artists and their constant ability to make a fool out of him with their philosophies and creativity, as shown when Gabriel mocked him for making a poorly made Lego seahorse out of two measly blocks while Gabriel made a living breathing bird out of nothing but Lego pieces. He is also a terrible artist who is incapable of drawing even a proper circle and is often mocked by Gabe for this as well. Tycho has an incredible obsession with proper grammar and spelling and can be properly described as a true Grammar Nazi, as even the slightest error in a single sentence can greatly irritate him, as well as an over usage of, well, you know, those things, what are they called, hmm, oh yeah, commas. His personal fictional creation, Mr. Period is an embodiment of his perfectionist desires for proper grammar and writing, and will often nitpick any sort of irregularity found in online forums. The greatest example of his obsession was when he discovered an ad for the website "Gamez N Flix". Seeing the "s" was replaced with a "z" and the "cks" in "flicks" replaced with an "x" caused him to roar uncontrollably and foam at the mouth while exclaiming that the word "and" had been castrated, he then fell into a complete catatonic state with a dictionary in hand while hoping for Noah Webster to come to his aid. Gabe suggested he and Brenna take him to a vet as he was basically a mindless animal at that point. He found a jewel smuggling ring being operated in a haunted amusement park. He figured out that it wasn't haunted at all, and that it was actually old man Sawyer dressed as a ghost. He got a new friend, Mahakala, the tiki statue. He did not know that King Kong died at the end of the seventy year old film, much to the annoyance of Gabe. He was gutted that the movie was ruined for him. He has a degree in pig waxing for reasons unknown, although there was a chance to use that degree when Gabe needed a pig to be waxed. File:TychoLover.png|Tycho Brahe, a lover of animals... File:TychoHusband.png|a good husband... File:TychoAndSon.png|and a caring father. Sexual Fetishes and Depravity "Let me paint you a picture: Imagine a Chik'thar hive maiden scuttling out of her mottled carapace. Her inviting, translucent thorax heaving with ripe larvae. She retracts her guard plates, where forty alien breasts bristle with nipples. Yes, yes - a thousand times yes." - Tycho to Gabe on a universe of "possibilities". Tycho has an extremely perverse and disturbing sex life, with many of his fetishes primarily focused on the absolute lowest of the low, and while he does maintain a mostly normal heterosexual ruse with his wife and female robotic sex slaves, he is actually a major neck fetishist and has an incredible lust for all things with long and slender necks, such as Giraffes, Ostriches and even Dragons; this has developed into full on bestiality and has on more than one occasion had sex with different animals of both sexes (long necked or not and after 2023 with aliens as well), he has also shown a sexual interest in werewolves. His desires have even been aimed towards infant animals, thus becoming a bestial pedophile and a pedophile overall, with even children, chicks, foals and dragonlings not being safe from his desires. Tycho has a great deal of sexual fascination with slenderly long-necked creatures and has a deep love for Giraffes, the longest necked animal alive today. He says their necks are "so slender." He even has Giraffe porn on his computer, but claims that the videos are perfectly legal in the country they were filmed. He thought he was found out when Brenna mentioned it, but she was talking about his poetry. He also tends to fantasize about Ostriches and believes them to be "super hot" and his entire subconscious revolves around his lust for an Ostrich wearing a hot pink bra. His most frequented site is "badboysbigbirds.com", a site focusing on Ostrich porn and their habit of putting their heads into holes. He also enjoys going to the zoo and peeping on the long-necked animals. Tycho's biggest complaint and hope for Dragon Age is that it should allow for sexual interaction with tender young Dragonlings, as he cannot resist them as their precious skin glistens in the moon light and wants nothing more than their cold claws on his dick. Tycho once admitted to Gabe that his greatest sexual desire for boobs in Mass Effect would be the sight of a Chik'thar hive maiden's forty alien breasts covered in nipples, he could only stare into nothingness as his eyes glistened with the image of his "glorious maiden". Tycho is a classified dangerous pedophile and once revealed that he pimped out teenage runaways (young boys mostly) with his wife only assuming this was a joke much to her obliviousness. He has even appeared on "To Catch a Predator", where he was caught by Chris Hansen trying to "mingle" with a little sister from Bioshock, sexually promising to remove her slug and harvest her genetic material (Adam) and have his way with her. He was soon dealt a considerable ass beating by a Big Daddy. Tycho's marriage has been apparently failing and losing its passion, mostly due to Tycho's terrible incompetence in bed which even his Xbox mocks. So to revive his dying marriage, he convinced his wife to try new and kinky things in the bedroom which to him meant dressing up like animals, however she took this as him letting her have sex with a handsome man, and she and her new lover looked on in shame as a naked Tycho (wearing a horse head) stood before them with his limp and tiny penis quivering in the cold. He now spends his nights alone on a cold and lonely single bed while Gabe interrupts him to share new puns in the middle of the night. During a late night of binge drinking and drug abuse, Tycho had accidentally created a Facebook profile where he revealed that his favored hobbies were, obviously binge drinking and getting high, he also revealed that he loved having gay sex with Manta Rays. He also showed interest in Gabe's implied theory on the existence of Womanta Rays and they're useful necessity for creating Babyta Rays. Tycho has an obsession with his next door neighbor. He conveniently placed a telescope facing her window and watches her quite a lot. She threw out a hairbrush once and he stole it, then began petting it like a cat. During a conversation about 300 with Gabe, Tycho revealed that he likes to and has the ability to open jars with his penis, Gabe was left both disgusted yet in wonderment as to how Tycho pulls off such a feat. He owns his very own harem of Robot Sex Slaves which he got after receiving money from Atari to review Driv3r. He does not feel guilty about this at all. On one occasion, Tycho attended an adult PAX party, assuming it to be just a regular party with no kids, but as it turned was actually an S&M orgy and he quickly became seduced by a dominatrix known as the Serpent Queen, who continued to verbally and physically berate him while he admitted how unworthy he was to be in her presence. Tycho has an unnamed aunt who believes him to be gay and sends him homo-erotic presents every Christmas. Tycho believed that everyone had an aunt like that in their family until Gabe told him otherwise, causing a very awkward moment. During Poker Night at the Inventory, he admitted that he was quite fond of Hedgehogs and considered their quills to be arousing; he proceeded to give a very detailed description about their quills and he eventually lost himself in arousal as he imagined a hedgehog begging him for sweet love. He also revealed on one occasion that he used to have sex with Dogs but swore not to do so again as part of his new year's resolution, albeit he still engages in his other bestial fetishes and long neck obsessions. Despite his many fetishes, Tycho appears to be somewhat of a hypocrite as he views Gabe's arousal for Wookiees in a disturbing light despite that his own fetishes are no better and he himself in fact often tends to have erotic fantasies about the many species of the Star Wars universe as well and can only be properly stimulated when his fantasies remain internally consistent. His fantasies consists of such things as what kinds of pungent natural oils a Wookiee paw might secrete or fantasizing about an intricate Trandoshan three-way ("hrokk’nos"), but he had to stop fantasizing about it because there was something wrong with their bandoleers (don't ask). In 2009, he swore to cease his interest in complex and disturbing animal pornography as part of his new year's resolution, and when asked by Gabe if he was gonna quit cold turkey, Tycho responded by admitting that his subscription to ColdTurkeys.com wouldn't expire for another six months but promised to not renew it to make himself feel more like a good person. Upon hearing Gabe's resolution to stop masturbating at the local aquarium, he immediately sympathized, understanding Gabe's arousal by claiming that jellyfish are the vaginas of the sea and they are irresistible. All in all he never achieved his resolution as he was back to pleasuring emus, jerking off dogs at the pound and dating witches a year or so later. Tycho secretly likes jacking it to Animal Planet, a secret which he was sure was safe until Gabe revealed it while they were at the movies. Dark Side Many years ago while in a state of sleep, Tycho's subconscious mind ended up in Hell itself in all of its darkest horror, upon awakening he feared the possibility that he might have obliviously brought back a dark demonic specter from the wretched realm, and as it turns out he did and the dark beast continues to remain a part of the oblivious Tycho's body due to the fact that his original soul was stolen by a Dementor in high school, allowing for the dark essence to permanently reside within him. His spirit continues to be a dark vessel of unrelenting horror and pure evil and even the gods themselves fear to look upon his tainted soul as even they would be tainted by gazing into the malicious void of Tycho Brahe's foul and putrid essence. Whenever his demonic anger is released, his eyes glow red and his disposition turns foul. Despite his demonic soul, Tycho had already possessed several malicious tendencies prior to his fusion with the dark beast. He has no qualms about causing the suffering or misery of others and seems to in fact enjoy it, he also has no trouble with killing or torturing innocents but does show distaste with Gabe's usual murders, which unlike his, involve numerous victims in a row (Tycho himself included), he also shows distaste at Gabe's often harsh and immature behavior towards children, however this may just be due to Tycho's usual attraction towards young children and his desire to look like the more mature and superior of the two which he often is not. As mentioned before, Tycho's sexual depravity knows no bounds and the things that heavily arouse Tycho's libido can be considered truly dark and sinister, and overall its pretty fucked up shit... He has no problem with destroying the dreams, faith and confidence of others, and enjoys the act of making others as miserable as they can be. He also enjoys taking advantage of the stupid or mocking them for their lack of intelligence and will use them for his own personal gain, with Gabe usually being his primary target. Verbal abuse is also one of his favorite past times and loves nothing more than to be as rude, evil and mean-spirited as possible. On tumblr, Tycho revealed that he eats human souls on toast for breakfast and describes the taste of souls as young and innocent, which he compares to raspberries or blueberries, or something very sweet and berry-ish. During one of his evil moments, he became angered by his Nintendog's disobedience and threatened to tie a noose around it's neck and then stab its eyes out with the stylus, he then pondered if throwing away the cartridge would be the equivalent of killing it and hoped to do so if it was. At an unknown later point in Tycho's life (while in an apparent moment of malice, mischief and stupidity) he had accidentally killed his wife Brenna while showing her an attack move from Splinter Cell, this resulted in a complex and convoluted plot to try and sue the country of France for housing the game's manufacturer, he eventually won the case and gained millions, however he ended up giving every cent to a mad scientist to make a robotic living replica of his wife, however this turned out to be an obvious con and he was instead given a bucket with roller skates on it. In perhaps his greatest moment, Tycho warned Gabe not to talk about Warhammer Online when he went into a long speech about committing suicide, taking over Hell and then coming back to burn Gabe to death. This frightened Gabe so much that he started to cry. Future Tycho At two unknown points prior to 2023, the planet Earth was invaded by several alien races, the first being the oppressive dog-men known as the Canid who turned humans into their pets and later on the merciless Hrungnir. Both Tycho and Gabe were subjected to numerous and torturous acts under the Canids as they fetched their frisbees, then they were abducted and placed in organic alien pods in a flying saucer where Tycho and Gabe discussed EA and MARVEL joining forces for new characters and EA's own "famous" characters such as "Football Guy" all while they witnessed the alien forces ravage the earth. The event would forever be known as the Hrungnir Incursion. In 2023, Tycho became the fertile host of a Hrungnir egg-sack and gave birth to its larva. After this point they apparently gained a form of pseudo-immortality and managed to live many centuries. Tycho and Gabe then live on to the year 8000 as preserved heads in robotic octopus bodies. The future is still held under the control of brutal alien rule. Jobs Back in the day, Tycho used to work for a telemarketing place as he hates other people and hates to think that they might be happy. He wanted to ruin their day by asking if they wanted some magazines. Soon, Tycho Tuesdays were invented as a recurring holiday within the area of jobs as he was a legend. He worked as a hot dog vendor for the day to try and get John Romero to create his game already. To help Gabe, he dressed himself up in an elf costume to go along with Gabe's Santa suit. He became a modern-day prophet after figuring out that Electronic Arts was way over its head with Marvel Nemesis. To prove himself to Gabe by telling him that he foresaw the colorful bracelets, then said that chocolate turkeys would be next, however his time as a prophet was short lived and ended soon after. Tycho at one point was the host of the comic strip's late night TV show, "Too Damn Late with Tycho Brahe." He discusses several "important topics and issues" on the show and would attempt to give Gabe a vasectomy. Tycho was hired to write a thirteen book cycle of fantasy entitled Epic Legends of the Hierarchs: The Elemenstor Saga. It made him very rich and gave him several fans, however he lost all fame and future wealth to L. H. Franzibald and his copycat book series The Song of the Sorcelator (read below). Tycho's clairvoyance briefly returned to him once more at a later date when he hit his head while getting out of the bathtub, where he foresaw the creation of the next generation in arcade gaming establishments. He and Gabe then joined forces and made a heavy investment to create the greatest arcade in history, Olympus. It turned out to be an incredible success and almost achieved legendary status, with critics praising Olympus and all its perfection and it appeared that both Tycho and Gabe were on track to great fame and fortune, however a day after opening they burned the place to the ground. He currently has no regular occupation but still refers to himself as a writer and most likely lives off from what he makes on writing the comics, his wife's income and what little wealth remains from the glory days of his book series. ELotHTES (Epic Legends of the Hierarchs: The Elemenstor Saga) Tycho once wrote a book series entitled Epic Legends of the Hierarchs: The Elemenstor Saga, which became a phenomenal success. He gained many fans thanks to the books, but was soon copied by another book series, The Song of the Sorcelator by L. H. Franzibald which instantly became far more popular and easily overshadowed Tycho's work, which quickly became forgotten (with the exception of a single lone and criminally insane cosplaying fan). This naturally caused Tycho no end of frustration, loathing and disgust, especially when Gabe, his closest friend also became a fan of this series. Sometime after, both Tycho and Franzibald were invited to speak at the Readiation book convention where things became rather heated between them, but the atmosphere soon changed when Tycho's single remaining fan (who was at the convention) pulled out a gun and attempted to kill Franzibald, however the bullet was instead taken by Gabe in order to protect his new idol, but true to Franzibald's selfish nature he did not care and was in fact bothered by Gabe getting his blood on his shirt. Gabe was luckily alright but as he lay on the floor he referenced an event from Franzibald's book which quickly angered Tycho, causing him to take the gun from the fan and shoot Gabe mercilessly numerous times. To this day Franzibald continues to enjoy a life of wealth and fame and his books have even been adapted into successful feature films. Franzibald was last seen jet skiing on his private lake made of money with a sexy supermodel, Tycho however continues to lie to himself, believing that Franzibald has been reduced to a depressed broken man due to the hurtful things he wrote about him on his blog. Tycho has also promised that if he should go to "Barnes and Noble" and find out if Franzibald's latest book "Lord of the God-Kings" is truly real he will kill himself and those around him and he will play through such an event by ear. Trivia *It is unknown how Tycho feels about sauropods and plesiosaurs (the longest necked creatures in history) or if he has an arousal towards them. See Also *Tycho Filmography *Tycho's Twitter Brahe, Tycho Brahe, Tycho Category:Brahe Clan